Day 104...

"Thank you so much for a lovely party…."

Day104TheNote

This past Saturday was my daughter's 9th Birthday Party.  The note that I have attached, was written by my mom about 4 years ago  It was just the type of note that she loved to leave after visiting, tucked away, so that we would find it sometime after she was gone.  She did this all the time.  She loved to tuck away notes; in bags, in shirt pockets, wherever.  She used to love to leave them in my stepfathers' briefcase, and he did it for her, often in her travel bags.  What an absolutley wonderful thing to do. Really, if you think about it, these are all just love notes.  I found the note above a little over a year ago, and have left it up on a bulletin board in my daughter's play area ever since.  It has been a lovely little reminder of her affection, and voice each time I walk by it, and it felt so perfect to turn my eyes to it again on her birthday.  She was there, she is always there.  This made me think a lot about notes, actual handwritten notes in our digital age.  Do kids pass notes in class any more?  Or is it all via text?  I guess I will find out.  A very dear friend of our family's also has two daughters, and at one dinner party, he pulled out a box of short notes that he had saved. They were notes he had written to insert in his daughters lunch boxes every day.  Most of them had a quick comment and illustration, and on their own, were little bits of paper, but togther, they created a volume.  A collection of littles squeezes and pecks from their dad that would show up mid day, each day, as they tucked into their meals.  Who knows if they would arrive on a good, bad or meh day, but they would always arrive.  Bravo friend.  That was so inspiring to us that we began to do it, but never with such skill.  I would like to believe that this whole blog is really one long love note to my mother, one long letter.  It gives me a voice to communicate with her.  I don't know if she hears it all, but I really like to believe that she does. 

Day 103...

Cocktails anyone?

Day103

There is a classification of rings referred to as cocktail rings.  Cocktail rings were first worn in the days of prohibition by women who wanted to flaunt the fact that they were doing something illegal.  These rings actually grew in popularity though, afterward in the 1940's and 50's.  That's probably around the time, my mother got this ring.  A cocktail ring just says, "pure fun".  It's flashy, and sassy, and playful.  These were some of the first rings that my mother let me wear as a kid, and always they were my favorites.  Even if they weren't the most valuable, to me, they were the most beautiful.  Yesterday, I let my oldest daughter, Daisy wear a silk tassel on a gold chain for her last day of school.  It was big, it was flashy, and to her, it was beautiful.  Here's to passing that feeling on, to my daughters.  Thanks, mom.

 

Day 102…

Medallion Belt

Gold Medallion Snake Chain Belt

Gold Medallion Snake Chain Belt

Sure, it's a gold, triple medallion, snake chain belt.  Who doesn't need one of those?  Dress it up, dress it down, just get dressed with it!  Seriously, how cool would this look with a jumpsuit, or tank dress?  I'll get right on that.



Day 101…

Now that's a nightie

Vintage Silk Charmeuse Negligee

Vintage Silk Charmeuse Negligee

Believe it or not, this is not a wedding dress, it is a negligee.  Negligee seems like a poncy word to use, but really that is the only fitting word to truly describe this.  I cannot believe that this was meant for sleeping in. Surprisingly, the silk is in amazing shape, but of course I am too chicken to actually sleep in it, for fear of ruing it.  This was my great Aunt Margery's, the same Aunt that had the hand embroidered monogrammed slips.  God bless her.  This is truly a work of art.  I think about this and the embroidered kimono from yesterday, there was such an amazing attention to detail in these old pieces.  Again, this is another keeper.  I think that I am going to start keeping track of what I think I will keep, and what I am ready to let go, I think that will be a good exercise. 

Embroidery Detail

Embroidery Detail


Day 100!!!

Kimono 2

Vintage silk embroidered kimono

Vintage silk embroidered kimono

Let me start this post by mentioning that today is day 100 of this blog.  I do not think I have ever done anything consecutively for 100 days, except breath and drink wine - (kidding…kind of) Anyway, I am proud that I have stuck with it, and simultaneously terrified that I still have another 265 days to go!  Oh man,  I am going to need to visit Long Island or Sanibel soon to re-up!  

This is a vintage silk kimono, if you read the blog regularly, you know that this is kimono #2, and if one kimono is good, two is of course much better.  Speaking of doing things for more than 100 days in a row, this weekend I was initiated into the world of Vedic Meditation.  If all goes as planned, this will be a twice a day practice to help with stress and to bring peace to the mind, body and spirit, yep, I really live in California now!  I'll keep you posted on that as well.

Ommmm…….


Day 99…

St. John Evening Gown

Vintage St. John

Vintage St. John

Detail

Detail

It's official- I NEED to get invited to some red carpet events stat. Not that I don't love trotting these gowns out in my backyard, but one day I'd love to take them public.  I love this gown, it is a vintage St. Johns, and in true St. John fashion, the knit is amazing.  I thought I saw a small moth hole, and panicked, I believe this is one of the dresses worth saving.  So what if my basement will smell like camphor!  I hate to say it, while I love the thought of cedar spray, it does not do the trick.  This will require the big guns.  Anyone have any good moth tips!?  


Day 98…

Day tripper

Louis Vuitton Duffle Bag

Louis Vuitton Duffle Bag

This is a Louis Vuitton duffle bag that I bought for my mother.  When I was 18, we had a robbery in our home, and the one that my mother owned was stolen.  I was so proud to be able to buy her a replacement (wasn't able to afford it until I was 30!).  I knew it meant the world to her.  Also,  I truly believe the very best incarnation of Vuitton is their luggage. (don't get me started on the Murakami bags, that's for another post)  This weekend, I was so fortunate to spend an overnight with some of my favorite ladies in the world.  This was of course perfect for that trip.  I loved carrying it, even though it is so darn heavy (yes mom, you were right!) It probably did not help that it was stuffed to the gills, because you never know when you'll need…


Day 97…

Side by side

Vintage Pucci dress

Vintage Pucci dress

I began this post a few days ago, but due to a system bug, instead of saving, it deleted!   I was incredibly upset, as it was not a terribly easy post to write, and I debated whether or not to try and go throughout it again.  In the end, the content got the better of me, and I decided to rewrite it.  As I have mentioned before, I do not have that many photos of my mom wearing some of the older vintage pieces, so it always feels special to see them side-by-side.  The exception, is this dress.  I cannot stand how I look in this dress!  I feel pasty and matronly in it, and posses NONE of the sparkle my mom had wearing it.  That being said, she probably weighed all of 90lbs. in that photo, was crazily tan, and perfectly coifed…Seeing her in this dress brought up some unexpected feelings.   I started to remember what it felt like to grow up with a beautiful mom, when you felt so unattractive. 

Some children have awkward phases that last a few years.  My awkward phase was from 6-16.  I am not being melodramatic or fishing for compliments.  I am very aware of how I looked.  (I have added a pic below for reference)  Sometime after that photo, I went through a very dark time.  My mom was in the final stages of a horrible addiction, and I was often alone and starved for attention.  I began to compulsively pull out all of my eyebrows and eyelashes.  This is a disorder called “Trichotillomania” It is classified as an impulse control disorder with a peak onset of around 9-13 years old.  The disorder is thought to be triggered by depression and stress.  Willfully making myself look unattractive did not help much with my self-esteem.    I did not even realize until I scanned this picture to post it, that at some point when I was young, I had actually scratched the word “ugly” into the photo.  Seeing that broke my heart.

After my mother gained her sobriety, life did change, but I was still stuck in my self-loathing phase.  I truly could not stand how I looked.  I never got to ask my mother what she thought of that time, I do know however, that believe it or not, she always considered herself an ugly duckling.  She did not like the way she looked as a child or teenager.  Even in her darkest times, I knew my mother loved me, she never made me feel less than, but she didn’t need to, I did that all by myself.  Why are girls so hard on themselves?  Is it just girls?  All I want is for my daughters to love themselves, and to feel good in their own skin.  I was so scared when I found out I was having a daughter, so scared because I know how hard it can be to be a girl, to be a woman. 

         Today, I am far happier in my own skin.  I am proud of the woman I am.  Do I wish I had dewy, radiant skin? Rock hard legs? Toned arms….? (You get the picture.)  The answer is OF COURSE!!!  But the irony is, I had all of that as a young girl, and I was miserable.  Now I am happy, a little softer, and less radiant, but happy.  It is my job to try as hard as I can to help my girls be happy in their own skin.  It will not always be easy, but I promise I will do everything I can.   

 

Not feeling my best

Not feeling my best


Day 96...

Sparkle Plenty

Vintage Gold Sequin Cardigan

Vintage Gold Sequin Cardigan

This sweater rocks.  It is quite the fancy cardigan indeed.  I know I sound like a broken record when I say this, but, when paired with jeans you can wear it anywhere.  All right, I am exaggerating a bit, it's a little much for school drop off and pick up, or grocery shopping out side of Las Vegas, but it is pretty cool.  This was my grandmothers for sure and has filtered down to me.  I think this is a keeper.


Day 95

Aaaaand we're back.

Vintage Gucci Tote

Vintage Gucci Tote

Well the dust has settled, and the jet lag waned, and I am getting back in to the groove.  Still feeling like I want to wear jeans, but thought I would fancy it up with this bag.  I really love this old school Gucci look.  The bag is a little stiff, but still wearable.  I definitely remember my mom wearing this in the 70's.  


Day 94…

Carmen & Jordan

The Wedding

The Wedding

I promise, I am not taking liberties with the format of the blog, but I felt this post deserved it's own day.  Mom, these pictures are for you.  I know you were there in spirit, I know how happy you were to have met Carmen, and I know how much joy you felt that Jordan had met her.  The smile on his face says it all.  


Day 93…

Pearl Bracelet

Beautiful Anya

Beautiful Anya

This is my beautiful niece Anya wearing a pearl bracelet that my mother gave to me on my wedding day.  It felt right to have her wear it at her father's wedding.  Anya is such an amazing young woman, and I love her with all my heart.  I loved walking arm and arm with her through the streets of London, I swear I could feel my mothers love flow right through me into her.  Mom, you would be so proud of your granddaughter, she has some serious smarts. Honest to god she said, "I just really love calculas"  when asked what her favorite subject of study was. But most importantly, she is as kind and thoughtful as she is beautiful.  She is truly a treasure.


Pearl Bracelet 2001

Pearl Bracelet 2001


Day 92…

Grandmother's Pearls

Grandmothers Pearls

Grandmothers Pearls

This is a delayed post from the wedding day!  As you can see, it was a little soggy in jolly old England;) This photo was taken by my dear sweet niece Anya.  I wore my grandmothers pearls, which my mother inherited first, and a zebra print dress in honor of my mother, she would have loved it.


Day 91…

Silver Set

Grandparents Silver

Grandparents Silver

This post is not about things worn, it is about things passed down.  For those people that have been reading the blog, you know that I think a lot about what I should do with the things that I have inherited.  I just returned from my brothers wedding in London, and brought two gifts with me.  The first was a pair of my great grandmothers pearl earrings for my brothers bride.  I think that she loved them (thank you to all my friends and family for the wonderful feedback!) And I was so touched that she chose to wear them on the wedding day.  The other gift was for them both.  I was fortunate enough to inherit two sets of silver, one was my grandparents, the other, my great grandparents. My brother was incredibly close with my grandfather, and the set from my grandparents was engraved with his families initials.  I did not even have to think twice about giving them this set, I am totally sure it is what my mother would have done.  I hope that one day they will pass it on to the next generation.


Day 90

Black Snakeskin clutch

Clutch Detail

Clutch Detail

This is my first experiment with scheduling a post, so hopefully it will work, and while you are reading this I will be in the UK with my family, celebrating!  I am very much looking forward to it.  And on a side note, how nice is it that for all intents and purposes, I never need to shop for another handbag to wear to a wedding for the rest of my life?  I can pretty much just check that off my list.  When I return on Monday, I am going to give myself a bit of a cushion to get back into the swing of things, so hopefully, I will be back in the saddle Tuesday.  I hope to have lots of pictures and posts from the wedding.  I hope that this a wonderful memorial day weekend for all of you. 

Day 89

The girl with the pearl earring...

Antique Pearl and diamond earings

Antique Pearl and diamond earings

My mother was generous to a fault.  One of the things that I am thinking about as I get ready to board the plane, is that I am sure that my mom would want to give my brother's fiance, a piece of jewelry to wear to their wedding.  The only thing that is driving me crazy, is that I have no idea what to give her, I have never seen her wear much jewelry, and so I will just have to go with my gut.  She is very elegant, beautiful, and un-fussy, and yet I feel like she might appreciate the artisanship of these 100 year old pearl and diamond earrings, instead of something more modern, like a bracelet.  This is where I could really use my mom's advice.  Any one who has any thoughts I would love to hear them.  I will be offline from this afternoon until Monday, but if anyone reads this before I get on the plane at 3:30, please feel free to send any ideas my way.  xoxoxo


Day 88...

Houndstooth St. John Jacket

Jacket Detail

Jacket Detail

Sorry for not getting this out yesterday, I have been preparing to leave to go to my brothers wedding in London, and something that I have come to realize, is that I hate packing!  I want to love it, but I REALLY dislike it. So what did I do instead of pack last night?  Fell asleep with one of my daughters and then give up on the idea of packing for the night.  Leaving it all for the next morning.  Good times.   This is a jacket that I think would look classy to fly wearing.  Most people look so awful on planes these days, it's really shocking.  Come on people, I know everyone wants to be in their most comfortable get-ups, but jeez, put a little effort in.  We are all complete strangers, put your best foot forward!  My mom always looked great when she flew.  At least in the beginning of the trip, She also travelled with like 6 small bags that would spill open everywhere.  It was a nightmare for anyone that flew with her, but as much as we tried, we could never get her to use just one well organized bag.  But for this trip, as my late birthday gift from my mother in law, I bought myself a very fancy on board travel bag.  When my husband saw that I was carrying that AND another bag he was like "WTF?!"  to which I had to kindly explain that the new bag needed to be wheeled on top of the other carrying bag, because it was going to be too heavy otherwise (I did brake a rib several weeks ago)  He just rolled his eyes.  What can I say - Mom I am hoping to find the happy medium between 1 and 8 carry ones.  Wish me luck. 

Day 87…

Vuitton and on

Vintage Louis Vuitton belt

Vintage Louis Vuitton belt

This is a belt that really needs to be dressed down to avoid looking poncy, and to be honest I don't reach for it that often, because I am not crazy about loads of logos, but I think it's ok with jeans and a tee. The irony is that when I was finally able to afford nice gifts for my mom-I bought her a Louis Vuitton duffel bag, to replace one that was stolen years before.  She didn't really use it much, because those darn bags are heavy, but I found it when I was cleaning up, and I actually do travel with it on occasion. Somehow the print does not bother me as much in luggage form, probably because my dad always travelled with a Vuitton suitcase (he also had a Vuitton tennis racket cover! I have to finds that!) and I thought that was pretty cool. 


Day 86

Happy Birthday Mom (May 19th,)

on the beach with a glass octopus neecklace

on the beach with a glass octopus neecklace

Not long after my mother was diagnosed with cancer, I went to see a Native American medicine woman here in LA.  I know exactly how woo woo that sounds, but this is a woman that I had been to before, and had changed the life of a dear friend, and had had incredibly deep insights into my life after my father passed away.  While with her, I had a vision of my mother and I, my mother was in recovery in that vision, and we were standing on the beach together holding hands.  So when I went to see her at the holidays in 2012, I made point to have us go the beach and make that vision real.  We stood together at sunset, while the girls played and held each other.  When I left at the end of that trip I cried desperately, because I felt I would never see her alive again.  I did see her again, but outside of some quick phone conversations in the next few weeks, I would never talk to her face to face again. The cancer had spread, furiously.  It took her lungs, and then it took her brain.  In the end, I would look into her eyes, to try and connect, to see what she was trying to say to me, but it was so hard.  She just looked scared.  And so I sang to her, I sang every song I knew, and I held her and, and slept on a blanket on the floor by her side.  And I was with her when she took her last breath.  Today was her birthday, and I miss her more than I can say.  But I did not, and would never have, wanted her to suffer, to go on in pain, to see but not be able to speak.  She did not want that, and in the end, it was quick, and merciful for us all.  I did not expect this wave today, mostly beacuse I usually get hit out of the blue, not on the "excepted" days.  But there you go, it comes when it comes.  

In this picture, she is wearing a glass octopus necklace, she had two, I am wearing the light one in this picture, I am not ready to wear the one. she was wearing, I have it though, and each daughter will inherit one.  Mom, I miss you today.  Your son, (my brother) is getting remarried this week, to a woman you have met, and you know loves him.  That is a big deal, so I will pull myself together, and celebrate that happiness, because that is what makes life march on.  They are going to have a baby, and you would have also loved that.  Don't worry, I will spoil the baby for you, and do all the stuff that would make Jordan roll his eyes, but that he would secretly love.  And I will love and Adore Pavel and Anya forever, and make sure that all your grand-babies know and remeber you.  I love you forever. xoxo

Day 85...

Owl be right there

Vintage owl belt

Vintage owl belt

Owl Belt detail

Owl Belt detail

I don't really remember my mom wearing this belt that often, but of course she did.  It's an adorable owl belt, with faux emerald eyes.  So of course when I volunteered to be the speller for an adult spelling bee fund raiser for my girls school, this was the perfect belt!.  I put myself on stage and spelled and sang "Let it Go" from Frozen, (because the judges made me), with zero self consciousness, it felt great, because it felt like I was still being true to the kid that I have always been, the one that sang show tunes at the top of her lungs on the swings at elementary school.  And somehow that owl belt brought it all home.  It's ok to be goofy, and sparkly, and brainy.  I only hope that I can pass that on to my girls .