Day 32...

Big in Japan

 Kimono Robe

Kimono Robe

My mother was a woman that loved a good robe. I have a lot of memories of her in various robes.  The red puffy Christmas one, the elaborately embroidered Chinese one, another embroidered one from Japan.  There were many years when I was a little girl that my mother was in bed during the majority of my waking hours.  Those were not particularly good years for either of us.  As a result - I am not a good napper, it does not feel as good as I know it should.  My mother on the other hand, was a champion napper.  She was very good at knowing when to say when, and to look after herself.  I spent a lot of years carrying anger when she would nap, still feeling like an ignored little girl.  But maybe my mom was on to something.  You have to take care of yourself before you can take care of other people.  I once had someone ask me "If the oxygen mask drops on an airplane do you put it on yourself, or your child first?"  As quickly as I could spit the words out, I said "Your Child!"  "Uh, no- you need to put the oxygen mask on yourself, so you can help your child."  Ah-ha. I am trying to learn to take a page out of my mothers book.  I can't say that it will be via napping, but I do need to make more time to take care of myself,  to go to yoga, to go to museums, to read a book.  Ways to recharge so that I can be the best of me, not only for my family but for my own heart.  One time, after my mom was newly sober, she and I sat by the edge of a creek in our back yard in Maryland, and she said "What I want most for you to find one day is peace." I was a mess of a 13 year old, but I will never forget that moment.  What an incredible thing to wish for your child.  You are right, peace is what I am still looking for, believe it or not, I think I am getting there.  I feel it when I am in my husbands embrace, when I am holding my daughters, when I sit across the table from a dear friend, when I am breathing in yoga.  Thank you for planting the seed of 'peace' as a goal. How very wonderful.  Love you so.