Day 217

Cancer Sucks.  Ugg.

 Mom's slippers

Mom's slippers

Yes, these are what they appear to be.  Powder blue Ugg slippers.  And no, they are not glamorous or vintage, or even cool, in fact, they are my husbands least favorite slipper choice (and yes, I have multiple pairs of slippers) But these are hard to let go of.  

I was with my mom when she bought these.  It was towards the end of her illness, and her body was breaking down.  Everything hurt her, and all she wanted was comfort.  We spent an afternoon in town and went to two shops one to just look around, and one to find her some comfy slippers, the two shops were next door to one another, and I left her to go on to the shoe store. I waited awhile before getting frustrated that she was taking too long and went back to see were she was.  I found her laying on the floor in the back of the store mostly hidden underneath a rounder of clothing.  She had fallen and been too proud and embarrassed to call for help, and too weak to get up on her own.  I was furious, furious at her for pushing herself too hard, but honestly, (and I could not see it at the time), I was furious at her disease.  I was SO ANGRY at her cancer.  And what do you do with that?  What do you do with something that is filling you with such rage and sadness, and yet have no way of dealing with it, because you are too deeply in it to realize what is happening? Well, you can do any number of things; self medicate, check out, scream at your kids and your husband, lose interest in work, cut yourself.  Yes, I did all of those things.  PS they don't work.  It's so hard to find the right words to deal with cancer, especially to the person that is sick, so when I saw this new line of cards yesterday by the amazing Emily Mcdowell Studio, I was so blown away.  They are so amazing, so funny (in what is honestly a mirthless illness)  I did not have these, but if you have the kind of relationship with someone that allows you to send one of these, I think it could help maybe, in some little way.  Bust open the boundaries, acknowledge how crappy it is. I am attaching pics of some of may favorites and a link to the artists amazing site.

PS my mother never got to wear these before she passed away, and now they are mine. Sorry Randy, I think they always will be.