Day 156

Floribunda

 Silk Floral Halter dress

Silk Floral Halter dress

I'm pretty sure this jumpsuit may have been my grandmother's, as it pretty generous in the frontal area, or as I want to start calling it 'Cannery Row.'  My grandmother was an amazing woman, funny, loud, affectionate, and outspoken.  She was also what is called in yiddish "Zaftig."  I used to love to get caught in her arms and be on the receiving end of one of her "plunger kisses".  My grandmother has been a model for me of how I behave with my own children, and I tend to gravitate towards women like her (In fact, minus the boobs, she is my friend Sandy!)  My mother, had a different relationship with her, for many reasons, and that was not easy for either of them.  I know my mother loved my grandmother, but there was a complicated backstory that I did not learn until much later on in my life.  I don't believe that any mother daughter relationship is ever neat and clean and perfect.  And I know that there was indeed, tremendous love between them.  My mother cared for my grandmother until she passed away, and I believe that they sorted through all of their issues.  I will never forget my mom telling me, after she and I had had a tremendous fight, that fighting with her mother was one of her greatest regrets.  Recently, I was speaking to my youngest daughter about loving my mom, and she remarked "but you and Grandma used to fight"  And I said to her "It is one of my greatest regrets"  I know it's normal, and it happens.  But a piece of advice from someone that has lost both parents.  Try if you can to make your peace, in whatever way you can.  You will never regret it.  Time and distance and great loss, change people fundamentally at their core.  At least I know it has for me.  I look at people that fly off the handle about parking spaces, or perceived slights, or rumors, and I have to say, I don't have as much bandwidth to deal with that nonsense.  

I know this is overly dramatic, and sounds like Samuel L. Jackson's Pulp Fiction's speech, but truly I feel like I have walked through the valley of the shadow of death, and I have come out the other side......I'm trying really hard to be the Sheppard.  Now with that being said, yes, the Trader Joe's parking lot can still make me cry, and I do care what people think of me, and I am not a perfect person.  But I care a lot less about the small stuff than I used to, and I think I have a pretty good sense of what is important.   Family, friends and love.  Giving and receiving love.  That's the good stuff... oh and plunger kisses.