Day 40...

No matter how hard the past, you can always begin again
— Buddha
 Jade Buddha necklace 70's

Jade Buddha necklace 70's

This little necklace is a mystery piece to me, I am not sure where or who it came from, but I remember my mom wearing it, and me loving it when I was a little girl.  It has all the earmarks that would make a child love it;  a) it's colorful, b) it's miniature!  I really love wearing this necklace now, it feels good, it feels nice around my neck, and I often times, feel my self reaching up to hold it.  My mom would have loved the spiritual, healing elements of this pendant, and I can see her wearing it with a gaggle of other chains.  When I posted this, it felt right to look up a quote from Buddha for it, but the first quote that came up and hit me smack in the face, was not the one above it was; "Holding onto anger is like drinking poison, and waiting for the other person to die."  Yep.  One of the deepest regrets I have is how angry I could get with my mom, especially at the end of her life.  I was so exhausted, it had been two years of sickness and treatments, and pain.  There had also been some times of remission and happiness, but towards the end, my mother was dealing with other types of pain, emotional pain that she tried desperately to shield me from.  I did not realize how deep until after she passed.  One day in Florida, on what would be the last trip I would see her alive, she wrote me a note, asking for me to send the girls into bed with her to snuggle and watch cartoons, and telling me to sleep in, and not to be too angry, that life was too short.  Oh mom, you were so right.  And I am so sorry.  I wish I could go back in time, and hold you, and apologize for being so angry.  If you are out there anywhere, please know that I love you, and I'm so sorry.  I am so sorry you got sick, I am so sorry you got hurt, I am so sorry you ever suffered.  You were right, life is short.  Anger is a poison.  Thank you for those words, I will try and carry them with me.  It was almost as if, you were telling me those words again today.  I love you so deeply, and I miss you so terribly, and I am trying, as buddha says, to begin again.